That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
