i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
