i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize