They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
