EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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