Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
