Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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