Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
