I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
