Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
