Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
