I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
