And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
