even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize