Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
