Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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