I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
cat food counts as protein by the way
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
