How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
