It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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