whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
