Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just had sex on a roof
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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