I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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