i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
