He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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