she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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