I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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