i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
