The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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