guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
