so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
