the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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