apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
