I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize