I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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