i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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