I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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