I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
