There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
