Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
