Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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