i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
