i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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