Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
