i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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