Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize