I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
