just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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