My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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