Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
