I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
