went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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