Got a toothbrush?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize