did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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