Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize