if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
