P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
