So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
