I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
