I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
