do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just wanna soil my oats bro
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
