I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
