My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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