You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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